One full year since the last time I wrote in this thing. A lot yet so little has changed.
I'm in China again. It seems I always write these things whilst in China. And, I'm certainly always trying to be funny. Someone recently called me "sunshine boy" out in this neck of the woods. I took it as a compliment. I like to laugh, and I love to smile.
I'm very tired of business. Or, rather, I'm really tired of my business. That's certainly a horrible thing to say because I'm so so blessed to have the people I have, the customers, the support, the whole thing. But, this business is practically my life. It has maimed me from having a personal life for the past 5 years and, without it, I'm left staring blankly in the mirror asking, "Who are you? And what do you like to do?"
Those typical questions that you're supposed to be able to spit back to new people that you meet...
"What do you do for fun?" - I work.
"What do you want to do with your life?" - Uh.. work.
"What do you think about in your spare time?" - Uh.. work.
"Where do you want to go on vacation?" - I can't. Have to work.
That's when I realize that I'm just a number to myself. OMG!
I was reading Ecclesiastes and just before the part where he says the two are better than one bit, he talks about a dude who wakes up one morning after all his toil with no one to share. No one bothers to talk about that verse because it's an ugly statement before this several beautiful stanzas. Certainly I have been chasing after the wind. And he's right, who knows how many days are left to count?
It is 2007. I'm going to commit to doing things differently. The first thing I'm going to do is run away somewhere far far far away, where cellphones and emails can't reach me. (And no, Jay, not China. Stop talking to yourself.) When I get there, I'm going to embarrass myself publicly and meet 10 strangers. I am going to tell them my life story and ask for theirs. And, I will write down their email addy's for further comm. later.
Before leaving for China, something miraculous happened. I had gone to NOC for the 3rd week in a row and I got to sit w/ Sarah and Arnold. Sarah, the same girl I make fun of all the time who I have always adored even though I fear her more obnoxious moments, sets her hand on me and prays for me as we do an exercise during service. What she had to say left me without words. I am so grateful that God puts angels in my life to guard and guide me.
I am realizing that a life in business means that dollars will be moving quickly around. And, I find myself walking on this fine line stretched miles and miles and miles with temptations lurking like creatures around me. When business is rough and the tides are high, it's like walking a tight-rope stretched across an abyss of darkness. It's so easy to lose sight of self and purpose.
I'm fortunate that God sends the Spirit to keep me straight when my knees begin to buckle. And, there is nothing I can do to repay Nancy and Sarah and all those people that are praying for me. I don't deserve these people. I don't deserve their blessing. I don't deserve any of what I have today. Knowing that brings me to my knees at the foot of the cross.
Well.. that's a spoonful off me chest. I wonder when the next blog will be. Maybe in another year?
Words to self: Slow it down. Serve God. Find good days on the earth. Find good health. Pray for those in your circle of concern. Do good to some strangers in the name of God.
wow.. good day. another tantalizing tale from mainland China. hello
evrybady! how do you all doing today?! it's hot as heck, my back is
sweating, my thighs are sweating, and my buttcrack.. uh.. i can't begin
to describe the illness lurking behind my 2 giant cheeks.
it is mid april. raining in calif / burning in china . weird how
weather works. not to mention time, gravity.. why can't we go travel in
time? why can't we defy gravity? it's just weird that we can't.. we can
create fire. we have cracked the human genome. and still, we can't
travel time?! what the heck! i'm asking this question because i, for
one, would like to go back to when i was 17. those were the best years
of my life. 6 years of hedonism followed that day. and a year later,
you wake up one morning for work and realize, "oh crap! this is the
rest of my life." i know we're all wondering what we could have done
differently. i bet there are a bunch of ppl out there that say they
wouldn't have done anything different. **lying sacks of crap or a bunch
of pathetic spazzes** i'm sure everyone would do something different. i
will list one. any friends who read this, keep your whining to yourself.
#1 - i would go back and join the nerd crowd. that's right richard,
steve, nate, ken, alex, sam, bobby, jose. i should have never gotten to
know you guys. i wouldn't have drank my way through college. i would
have met other dudes without feeling gay about it. and i wouldn't cry
myself to sleep thinking homo-erotic thoughts about you. i would be
hanging with yvette, alex, kirk, and the other 12 people that graduated
ahead of me in GPA. i bet they're all millionaires by now. damn
steve finally got a date with this wonderful girl who is a computer
nerd and works at a computer company. he really likes her. his date
went very well. i'm glad for him and hope she never learns about that
period of his life when he wanted to wear dresses and high heels. he
changed his name to lisa on the weekend and dated a dude named tomas.
tomas was this latin fellow who danced very well.
richard's month-long birthday ended last last friday. gee. that was a
haul. but we partied like rockstars. i hope he feels like it was
meaningful and he remembers it for the rest of his life.
i just got bit by a mosquito. dammit!
jetlag sucks horse nads.
ooh.. i read this thing in finance today about how the average american
is "super unhappy" about the $202B trade deficit to China. we want
diplomacy to solve our trade deficit by some protectionist methods.
what doesn't make sense to me is that these are the same people that
find themselves at walmart twice a week. they want price-slashing and
out of this world bargains. what do we think will happen if we try to
impose more tariff and force china to reevaluate its dollar.
seriously. these political idiots need to consult businessmen. get your
heads out of your arses. these are the two fixes to date:
1. increase exports to china by selling airplanes or automobiles - dumb
deal .. chinese (me being one) will steal the blueprints and come up
with a company in china called "CHoeing Airplane Co. Ltd ISO 9256" and
"CHord Motor Co.".
2. enforce policy to ensure actual value of China dollar (RMB) - dumber
deal.. all you'll see is a yellow happy face floating across tv screens
with not a sword to slash prices but a loud speaker screaming in
auction fashion where prices INCREASE.
ooh.. let me give you a solution. loosen immigration policy and lower
minimum wage in half. that way, goods in america will be produced
cheaper by people who can all of sudden get jobs outside of chinese,
mexican, korean restaurants. another thing we could do is lower the tax
on net income across all businesses to 5%. erase social welfare for
citizens who refuse to work. hmm... what else. that's it for now. just
do those and things will improve.
jim cramer has his cramer effect. that's my Cheng effect.
ahh.. february 7.. officially 25 a couple days ago.. sadness. don't they get more and more meaningless as they go by? are they supposed to? previously, i would have thought we would go out about the town given it was my bday.. this year --- eck.. just wanted to stay home home home. i love home.
that brings me to another point. went to kent's new townhouse in rancho cuchi on friday night. and, since then, i'm obsessed about buying a house. the question is - how? i really do wonder how much money our generation will need to earn in order to afford anything "decent." for a half million these days, you either get the crap of a developed neighborhood or a brand new nice place somewhere in the buttcrack of nowhere. ack.. if only i could make one million a year.... i keep thinkin', "if tyra banks can make $5M + in a year, and i must be smarter than her... then why can't i?"
since i'm headed in that direction, i must say that our parents were wrong. they taught us asian-am kids that education and knowledge is the most important thing in life. WRONG. education and knowledge just makes you someone else's tool - a vehicle for them to earn money on. instead, parents should identify and cultivate a child's talents or passion. afterall, when you do something you're passionate about, you'll undoubtedly succeed. so, my kids will be celebrities. i will take them to acting class when they turn 3.
steve ended up getting the 525. it's pretty sexy. yeah.. this car better improve his game b.c. i'm getting sick and tired of the complaints about women. for a damn good-lookin' fellow, he gets caught up in this self-minimalising rant way too much. i often hear the words, "way out of my league, man" or "how am i supposed to get that?" all steve has to do really is grow some balls w/o the alcohol AND TALK TO THEM. usually, mr. walker will turn him into mighty mouse, but without the drink ... ehh... let's just say his mojo is shot. we'll have to work on this.
back to houses.. nancy and i went driving around yorba linda and brea looking for potential income property or maybe... one day.. perhaps.. maybe.. a home??? hehehe.. (she not going to like what i just said) so, we headed a little further east on lambert and came to Olinda Ranch.. WOOHOO!! NICE!!! so, we're thinking, "this would be perfect" until we saw the sign "... starting in the low 1,000,000's." and we said, "rooooightt."
the low $1M's gets you a POS 3 bedroom detached home. 3 bedrooms for a million bucks?! anything with 5 bedrooms is well over $1.5M and there are houses going up to $2.4. ridiculous.. and they don't have yards.
sarah, your birthday is coming up, you better have a hot date or neither nancy or i will show. listen - if you can't find a date for your event where people drive around the city like weirdos and do weird things - let me know. i can find you a nice decent hornball w/ his mind to do dirty tricks and show you a world of homo-eroticism that you have never known. if that doesn't work, we'll advertise you on my website and i'll pay for sponsored searches for "hot date" or "16 year old girls with 18 year old thoughts" or "sagfbdm - single asian girl for bdm". either which way, we'll find you someone suitable.
my cousin linda is also single. she's 29 and very very cute. if anyone out there would like to be setup on a blind date w/ linda, please post a comment. you have to live in LA or OC to be eligible. you have to be tall, dark, and handsome. you have to be smart, funny, and intellectual; spontaneous and diligent. proud and prejudice. sensitive and sensible. if you are a moron and you try to take her out, i will murder you. i say that so loosely, but i mean it. i have no problem stabbing you six times in the chest, arm, left lower rib cage, right thigh, stomach, and neck.
geee.. how to be funny and entertaining.. we're in 2006 now. i'm in
china again. nancy's in taiwan. i got back on the alcohol horse. we
ride off into the sunset and deep dark night often. me and mr. walker
have become better buddies as i've nearly abandoned that canadian crap.
x.o. is great these days. gosh i'm such an elitist alcohol consumer. i
don't drink rocks anymore. just straight and neat. i love that feeling
u get after the first shot. warm in the mouth, rolls down the throat,
burns at the top of your stomach for a short glip, and soothes you so
deep down. 20 seconds later, your legs lighten up, muscles relax and
your feet.. ohh my goodness that goodness in your feet! some of you
know what i'm talking about..thas right... goodness in the feet. curl
up the toes, make sure they're still there. yeah..!!!! YUM.
nate came back for 2 weeks and we musta partied every friggin' day he
was here. it's been at least a year since i've been nearly as
wreckless. and.. i have to say, "IT WAS AWWWWESSOME!!" but boy am i
glad his ass is back in boston. that was debauchery unlimited. but it
was christmas then new years then.. the bad part was the then some
after new years.. couldn't get the mind bent back around to diligent
took steve to bmw to look at his next car. he taught me the meaning of
posh that day with the phrase, "buying a 330 is like buying a civic
man! it's about the m3. that's about as cheap as buying a
boxster" i'm going to use that the next time i see someone in a
3-series. i'm going to call him a cheapo poser. saying something along
the lines of, "u ass, u shoulda bought the M5. what are you broke?!!"
laguna beach is over. nip/tuck is over. i still can't believe the
carver was quentin. WHY?!! still can't piece together why... i have so
many why's about that show. so happy to see julia back with sean. but..
christian. after seeing him in Fantastic 4 on the plane to china, i've
lost a lot of respect for that guy. how could he have taken a part in
such a horrible screenplay! i want to see quentin again next season.
but, we probably won't because i'm sure he's probably moved over to do
a show on Fox or something.
i always tell people that i'm peter pan. i want to always be happy and
think happy thoughts so i can fly. i like to laugh. i like to joke
about everything and anything, but it seems that everyone around me is
getting more and more serious. everyone is still in such a hurry to
grow up and accomplish something. everyone has something to prove these
days. it's really quite sad. what i've heard from most people is their
testament to owning something or getting somewhere.
we are called to love God and love our neighbors. if this is the case,
then we can't be enamored with ourselves, our expectations, or our
accomplishments. i've come to the conclusion that i'd rather be
heralded as a "nice and decent human being" instead of an "incredibly
wealthy and smart person." it's also important that we do not judge.
that's so hard because i know a lot of stupid people out there that
seriously deserve to be hurt. but i'm supposed to love them, so uh..
yeah.. right.. hehehe.
okay, onto something else:
sarah, if that dude from that new years house party likes you, marry
the guy. from what i've heard, he's such a sweet guy. i mean.. ollie is
nice and all, and i love the guy w/ my heart. but, ollie kinda has
dufus written on his forehead (sorry oliver, but you so do.. let's face
it.. fix your hair, bro). on the other hand, this scott guy is sweet
sophistication. he has nice slicked hair, nice house, nice car, and the
guy is probably in love with you to be stupid enough to let you have
that party as his pad. you may want to suggest lasic to him to improve
his mojo, but he's an A++ dude. i know you've been singing justin's
"Gone" for Oliver for forever now and it's getting lame. let's be
honest here. you're a cute gal that any guy would be lucky to have. (my
girlfriend nancy is cuter. i mean that. and i have to say that.) aside
from the loud obnoxiousness, you're such a soft sweetie inside that
says "purrr purrr purrr" for milk. Don't be a moron. (notice how i
capitalized the "D" in "Don't" and i haven't capitalized anything
else.) Ask Scott On A Date! after
all this freakin' typing, sarah, you better be reading this w/ a smile
or i'll murder you. and, if you don't read this entry at all, expect
for me to jam a knife into your corotid monday as you walk from your
car to your office.
ackk.. i'm out of time.. gotta get back to working on something else.
my heart goes out to the poor people that couldn't get out of the city.
it really sucks when they say the ones that couldn't escape this
tragedy were the ones that couldn't afford to own a car. but then again
i have mixed feelings about it. i'm a firm believer that if you got 2
legs, 2 arms that work, then there isn't a darn thing in this world you
can't achieve. it's about setting your goals high, and then leaping out
to reach them. there are plenty poor folk that can't afford a car, but
they CAN afford a bus ticket.
if you were to tell me that my home was more than likely to be engulfed
by flame in week, i'd get the heck out of town - somehow evacuate. the
keyword is somehow because even if i was living out on the streets, i'd
find a way. if i couldn't find a bus, i'd hike. if i couldn't hike, i'd
crawl. because i know most likely an even grimmer aftermath would
unfold if i stayed.
as a christian, i'm torn. these people are my brothers and sisters. i'm
supposed to love them. but how do you love someone when your love is
unwelcome. the more important question is, "is it possible to help
someone who does not want to be helped?"
nancy works at a social welfare program that helps pull people out of
welfare and puts them back on their feet. she's told me of several
cases (by cases i mean welfare clowns) who don't want a job. they want
to have more babies so they can receive more social welfare money.
absolute sloth. is this lady who is suffering her babies to receive
welfare my sister? or is she the very spawn of satan? she doesn't want
help. she's reached rock bottom. and she loves it because she knows
free help is on the way.
the same goes for half of these clowns at new orleans. looting and
rioting. this is a tragedy, yes. there is a difficult time and recovery
at hand, yes. but shooting at the very people who are trying to help
simply because you think you should be prioritized over the next person
being rescued? that's downright stupidity.
i'm a republican libertarian. i believe in a traditional values. i
won't let my daughter get her tongue, navel, nose, lip, or eyebrows
pierced. i'm not okay with abortion. and, i don't think a huge part of
our tax money should go support ass-clowns who take it for granted. i
had thought previously that we should completely erase social welfare.
but i realize now why the democrats believe in this progressive system.
the democrats see the bigger picture. social welfare is a buyout, not a
progress engine. we know that the ass-clowns at the bottom of our
society are there by choice for the most part. it is almost too easy
for disabled people to get jobs in our society. as a business owner, i
have read that in some states you can get as much as 70% of the
employees stipend back from the government for hiring disabled. (by the
way, that's awesome for those of you that have to pay stipends) the
democrats know that the bottom-feeders will never rise up. they don't
want to get up. instead, we give them just enough free dollars and
meals so that they won't loot our stores and our businesses. they won't
rob our homes. social welfare is like a prison for people who don't
actually commit crimes yet. so, i'm confused which way to vote on this